The waiting room, what a place for our first kiss
Isnât it weird that we both have the same therapist?
All my time with you was so precious
I know weâll probably wind up being Mr. and Mrs.
Because I wined and dined you at the Ritz, remember that?
I drank so much I got the shits, remember that?
I got you that facial and then that massage, what about that?
But you never would let me give you a colonic, what was up with that?
Whatever
Iâm not stalking you
Iâm just calling a lot
Iâm not trying to upset you
Iâm not
Whoâs this Kevin guy
I think I should know
I didnât give up three weeks of my life
Just to let you go
Oh no, I donât give up that easy
Câmon I think we can work it out, sweetie
For nineteen days we were in love you fucking bitch!
Oh my god, what did I just say?
I didnât mean it
But you took the dog and all the booze
And I got jack
You know those Betsy Johnson skirts and Prada shoes
I think I want those back, yeah
In fact why donât you just give me back everything I ever gave you, everything
Including my heart, which you took out of my chest; still beating
And threw it on the ground and did some kind of satanic river dance on it
And doused it with gasoline, lit it on fire
And put the fire out with some kind of meat-tenderizer
And as if that wasnât enough
You had to sit on it and let one
Iâm not stalking you
Iâm just calling a lot
Iâm not trying to freak you out
Iâm not
Oh I saw that Kevin guy
I thought you should know
He seems okay
Itâs time for him to go
Thatâs right, I think he should get out of the picture right quick
In fact, you know what?
I think he should probably suck my dick
You heard me, I think he should probably suck my dick
Iâm fine alone, donât worry about me
I said Iâm fine!
See, you donât understand that I know that youâre still mine
Weâve got the perfect relationship
In my head
Just like that one movie
Ted, Bob, Carol, and Alice
Did I say Ted?
That movie that you wanted me to watch, remember?
Maybe, maybe, we should watch it now
Because I got at home and itâs on permanent loop in my apartment
You can come over we can shnuggle up and watch your fucking movie
How about that?
I donât wanna watch your fucking movie
Itâs okay, no
Iâm not stalking you
Iâm just calling a lot
Iâm not gonna fucking rape you or anything
Seriously, Iâm not
Oh, whereâs that Kevin guy
Have they found him yet?
You know, theyâre looking in the totally wrong place
I bet
Finally got him to suck my dick
In fact why donât both of you suck my dick?