I ain't a-figurin' on goin' nowhere.
I'd have to wash and comb my hair,
That's just wasted effort.
3. Water in the well gets lower and lower,
Ain't had a bath fer a month 'er more,
But I've heard it said, and it's true I'm shore,
That too much bathing'll weaken you.
4. I open the door and the flies swarm in,
I shut the door and I'm sweatin' agin.
I move too fast and I crack my shin,
Just one dern thing after another.
5. My old brown mule, he must be sick,
I jabbed him in the rump with a pin on a stick.
He humped his back, but he wouldn't kick,
There's somethin' cock-eyed somewhere.
6. There's a mouse a-gnawin' at the pantry door,
He's bin at it fer a month 'er more.
When he gets through, boy will he be sore!
There ain't a durn thing in thar.
7. Hound dog howlin' so forelorn,
Laziest dog that ever was born.
He's howlin' 'cause he's settin' on a thorn,
And just too tired to roll over.
8. The tin roof leaks and the chimney leans,
There's a hole in the seat of my old blue jeans,
And I've et the last of them pork and beans,
Just cain't depend on nothin'.
9. Cow's gone dry and the hens won't lay,
Fish quit bitin' last Saturday,
Troubles pile up day by day,
And now I'm gettin' dandruff.
10. Grief and mis'ry, pains and woes,
Debts and taxes, and so it goes.
I think I'm gettin' a cold in the nose, (Ahhh Chooo!)
Life gets tasteless, don't it?
words & music: Unknown
sources: Off-air audio tapes
and e-mail from Dr. John in Australia
transcribed: Dilly
